Keith Evans
Manual blurb
Keith founded NOA in order to promote the coexistance of human and psychiccers, but now it's facing both a capital and a labor shortage, leaving it on the brink of destruction. A troubled Keith leaves his secret base (a run-down office) in order to find a sponsor...
Script
Translated by foxinthestars, original available here
Introduction
To promote the peaceful coexistence of humans and Psychiccers, Keith had formed the evil secret organization (?) NOA. However, NOA was shorthanded and underfunded, and its continued existence was now in jeopardy.
Keith: It seems I’ll have to take action myself...
And so, to scout for Psychiccer talent and find a sponsor, Keith set out from his headquarters.
Round 1: Bay Side Park
Keith: Young man, your psychic powers must not be allowed to go to waste. Please allow NOA to take you under our wings.
Emilio: What’s that? NOA, I mean.
Keith: A secret organization.
Emilio: No way, that’s lame!
Keith: It’s not really lame! I have no choice; I’ll bring you to our cause even if I have to do it by force!
(Game)
Keith: Emilio, I welcome you as my comrade... No! Wrong! I can’t just kidnap people!
Round 2: Psychic Burger
Wendy: Welcome to Psychic Burger! Would you like to try our new Chinese Pork Bun Burger today?
Keith: I’d like to see your company president.
Wendy: I think Mr. Wong is over at the convenience store.
Keith: I see... I also came to ask you, will you lend your powers to our organization, NOA?
Wendy: If it pays better than this.
Keith: I can offer you $2.55... no, $3.00 an hour.
Wendy: Get out of here, you cheapskate!!
(Game)
Keith: You’re quite strong... I’ll make it $3.10.
Round 3: Convenience Store
Keith: I’m here to see your company president.
Gates: Breaking cover as $8.50-per-hour store clerk. I am the president’s bodyguard, Gates. You may advance no further!
Keith: I see. Then for $1.50 per hour, I’ll put you in charge of cleaning NOA’s toilets.
(Game)
Keith: Damn you, Wong! Are you this determined not to give NOA funding!?
Round 4: Amusement Park
Keith: Brad, you’re supposed to be out on a mission. You can’t be idling in a place like this!
Brad: Ah! Sorry, Mr. Keith.
Keith: All right, just go back to the office.
Crazy!Brad: “Go out,” “Go back,” which is it!? Wearing a cape in this hot weather---go find yourself a snowcone stand, Frosty!
Keith: I’ll make you work for free for the rest of your life.
(Game)
Keith: That’s decided then, Brad works for NOA for free for the rest of his life.
Round 5: Karaoke-Box
Keith: Sonia, you told me you’d be watching the office.
Sonia: I was waiting for you, Keith-sama. It’s already after 5, and I thought maybe we could sing karaoke together...
Keith: Don’t talk to me about such things! Just tell me if you’re serious about working for our cause!
Sonia: ...Will there be overtime pay?
Keith: Urk... Just go back to the office!
(Game)
Keith: Sonia, forgive me... Even at $4.00 per hour, I can’t afford to pay you overtime...
Round 6: Kokugi-Kan
Genma: You there, Blue Boy! I’m a righteous mendicant priest --- so give me all your money!
Keith: Don’t call me “Boy”!* And I must tell you, by the way, that’s called extortion.
Genma: I don’t have to take that from you and your evil secret organization!
Keith: If you insist on interfering, I’ll have to put you on ice --- and put you to work for NOA!
(Game)
Keith: I’ll give you $1.00 an hour as NOA’s office boy.
(*Translator’s note: See the note on Gates’ final round. When Genma calls out “aoi anchan,” he probably means “young man in blue,” but when Keith replies “don’t call me aoi!” he clearly took it as something more like “stripling youth.” This time I was able to split the difference.)
Round 7: Psychic Tower
Keith: So here you are, Wong. You must become NOA’s sponsor and provide us with funding!
Wong: No.
Keith: What!? Why not?
Wong: Because I’m stingy.
Keith: That’s being too candid! Just hand it over!
(Game)
Keith: Now, at last---! ...No, wait. This feeling...
Final Round: Central Building
Keith: Burn. Just as I thought, it’s you.
Burn: Keith, stop it! Solving your problems by force is wrong!
Keith: I thought you would say that... But I can’t turn back now.
Burn: Okay... In that case, I’ll just have to make you stop --- by force!
Keith: But you’re the one who was just saying that was wrong!!
(Game)
Ending
Keith: Burn, let’s work together to make this world clean!
Burn: “Make this world clean”... Keith, by getting rid of trash, you don’t mean killing all the humans...?
Keith: Of course not! NOA’s true goal is to harness Psychiccers’ powers as a source of clean, renewable energy!
Keith formed the NOA Foundation, whose member Psychiccers went throughout the world volunteering their powers to save the planet from its energy crisis. Thus his dream of peaceful coexistence between humans and Psychiccers was realized. However...
Keith: The office door is broken again... Someone fix this!
Because volunteers work for free, they were still as broke as ever...