Psychic Force Puzzle Taisen

Gates Oltman

Manual blurb

Gates' mission is to make all the psychiccers become good citizens once again. For that purpose, he started the Forest Camp School Program, where youngsters could undergo healthy development in the middle of the great outdoors. Even though it's a mission, Gates seemed strangely happy about it...

Script

Translated by foxinthestars, original available here

Introduction

Gates was a combat cyborg whose mission was to turn the Psychiccers into good upstanding citizens. For this purpose, he was planning a grand project: the “Forest Camp School Program!” Yes, encounters with Mother Nature were just what young people needed to promote their healthy development.

Gates: Affirmative; preparations complete. Flavoring agents secured. Next objective: secure purchase of meat and vegetables from targets. Hah.

The truth was, Gates just thought it would be fun.

Round 1: Psychic Tower

Gates: Target confirmed. You will participate in camp!

Brad: Oh, that sounds like fun.

Gates: Your cooperation is appreciated.

Crazy!Brad: I guess you go “camping” by the roadside every night! What’s the matter, Tin Man, get lonely for real live people!? Kya ha ha ha!!

Gates: ...I will terminate you.

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Issuing orders: you are to purchase meat.

Round 2: Kokugi-Kan

Gates: Target confirmed. Not a Psychiccer but a dangerous element. You will participate in camp!

Genma: What do you mean, “dangerous element”? One who walks the path of the mendicant priest naturally has to beg for charity!

Gates: Hostile response increasing. Extortion of money detected!

Genma: Damn you, you ignorant clod! I’ll just have to get rid of you!

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Issuing orders: old man is to purchase rice.

Round 3: Karaoke Box

Gates: Target confirmed. You will accompany me to camp.

Wendy: Mister, what is this? Do you want my number...?

Gates: Degenerate thinking detected. Reissuing corrected orders. You will participate in camp!

Wendy: Eww, no way I’m gonna do something dirty like that.

Gates: Target shows no remorse. Will terminate!

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Issuing orders: Wendy is to purchase vegetables.

Round 4: Amusement Park

Gates: Target confirmed. You will participate in camp!

Sonia: No! Why should I participate in something like that?

Gates: Reason: playing in a place of this kind promotes unhealthy development!

Sonia: I’m just waiting here for Keith-sama!

Gates: ...Understood. Target engages in degenerate male/female relations. Will terminate!

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Issuing orders: you are to assist in purchase of vegetables.

Round 5: Convenience Store

Burn: Ahahaha! Man, this comic book is too funny!

Gates: Capture the target. Standing and reading without purchase confirmed. Transport offender to camp.

Burn: Camp? You’re gonna make me live by the side of the road, too? How do you do that!? It’s so humiliating!!

Gates: Jeering response approaching maximum... Disengage limiters and terminate with extreme prejudice!

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Burn is appointed person in charge of campfire.

Round 6: Psychic Burger

Gates: Target detected! Child eating junk food confirmed.

Emilio: Are you saying I can’t have a hamburger...?

Gates: Emotional equilibrium of target unstable. Corrective guidance needed. You will participate in camp!

Emilio: No way! Didn’t anybody ever teach you that children shouldn’t go with strangers?

Gates: Suspending reference to corrective program. I will terminate you!

(Game)

Gates: Target capture complete. Emilio is appointed person in charge of gathering firewood.

Round 7: Bay Side Park

Gates: Target confirmed. Will transport to camp!

Wong: And what use is that to a rich person like myself? If you’re asking for money, I’m afraid I won’t give you any.

Gates: Target personality defective! Initiate percussive maintenance!

Wong: If we were speaking of a high-class resort, that would be one thing, but camping is simply not a hobby of mine.

Gates: Obnoxious response level exceeding critical threshold! Terminate immediately!

(Game)

Gates: Funding successfully secured... Camp will be held soon.

Final Round: Central Building

Gates: Target confirmed. Keith, damn you! You will attend camp also!

Keith: I think not. This “wild outdoor life” hardly seems suited to a delicate city type like myself.

Gates: Baby.

Keith: My age has nothing to do with it!

Gates: I am not requesting your birth certificate.* However, further discussion is futile!

(*Translator’s note: what Gates calls Keith is “Aoi,” which is usually the color blue or green but in this context would mean “green” in the broader sense of “young, tender, immature, inexperienced” [it’s also the “babe in the woods” from Brad’s final round]. So far so good, until Keith insists that his aoi-ness/youth has nothing to do with this and Gates replies “I’m not talking about your (aoi/blue) clothes.” The pun doesn’t translate, so I just made something up.)

Ending

And so Gates’s plan was put into practice as the “Fun Psychic Camp School.” Although they so strongly resisted joining in, everyone seems to enjoy it---to the point that Gates himself is now completely ignored...

Gates: This is within acceptable parameters. After all, I am an unfeeling cyborg. ...That is why even my wife ran away...

Burn: Gates, what are you doing? Come over here!

Wendy: You may not have your wife and daughter, but you’ve got us, right? Cheer up!

Gates: Dammit, you two... I am not lonely!

(CRASH!)

Gates: A pitfall trap... Why you---! I will terminate you all!!