Brad Kilsten
Manual blurb
It felt like recently, everyone was starting to look at Brad oddly, like he was scary or dangerous.
And so Brad thought: "It's time! Operation: Be Nice to Everyone!"
But he still hasn't noticed the other personality lurking within himself...
Script
Translated by foxinthestars, original available here
Introduction
Just recently, everyone had been getting the wrong idea about Brad --- treating him like some sort of dangerous guy. This was no good, and so one day Brad came up with a plan. Namely...
Brad: I’ll be nice to people, nice to the earth, just nice to everybody. That’s my better-image strategy!
So far so good, but what Brad hasn’t yet realized is that he has a split personality...
Round 1: Psychic Tower
Brad: Miss Sonia, is there anything I can help you with?
Sonia: No, there isn’t, just get out of here.
Crazy!Brad: Hey, that’s cold. Stuck up, aren’t you, Electric Lady!?
Sonia: I am not an electric lady! I’ll smack you!
(Game)
Brad: Miss Sonia, if you fall asleep in a place like that, you’ll catch a cold.
Round 2: Kokugi-Kan
Genma: You there. I’m Genma, a mendicant priest. Excuse me, but would you mind making a donation?
Brad: Of course, one must be kind to those in need. How much should it be?
Genma: EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT!!
Crazy!Brad: Heh heh heh... Don’t screw with me, Uncle Wiggily! Let’s see what YOU’VE got!!*
Genma: You---! ...You’re even crazier than I am.
(Game)
Brad: Huh? Sir, what about the money?
(*Translator’s notes: first, I hope my reference wasn’t too obscure, but it was how I could make “rabbit-geezer” sound natural. Also, the sentence after that threw me, so this is pretty much a wild guess.)
Round 3: Karaoke-Box
Brad: Emilio, if something’s the matter, I can help.
Emilio: I’m too nervous to go to the karaoke by myself. Will you go with me?
Crazy!Brad: No way. Like I wanna listen to some crybaby brat’s horrible singing --- my ears’ll bleed!
Emilio: Dammit, that was just mean!
Brad: Huh? Aren’t you going to sing?
(Game)
Brad: Emilio, did you wear yourself out singing and fall asleep?
Round 4: Amusement Park
Brad: Miss Wendy, is something wrong?
Wendy: Well, you see, I want that plushy over there, but I can’t quite get it. Can you, Brad?
Crazy!Brad: KYA HA HA ha ha ha!! You can’t get a thing like that!?
What a hopeless klutz!!
Wendy: And when did you become the god of the crane machine!? I’m gonna smack you!
(Game)
Brad: Miss Wendy, were you able to get your plushy?
Round 5: Convenience Store
Brad: Burn, please let me help you with something.
Burn: What’s with this all of a sudden!? But sure, buy me some juice.
Crazy!Brad: Well, aren’t you high and mighty! Did you burn out your brains, you hothead!?
Burn: I’ll burn YOUR brains!!
(Game)
Brad: Ahh! Sure enough, it feels so nice to do a good deed.
Round 6: Psychic Burger
Brad: Oh, no! Mr. Gates collapsed! Are you okay!?
Gates: Warning. Remaining fuel level at critical. Complete system shutdown in 5 minutes.
Crazy!Brad: Heh heh heh... Aren’t you a sorry sight! If you can’t move, you’re just a big piece of junk, aren’t you?
Gates: Emergency power online. Target confirmed. Terminate with extreme prejudice.
Brad: Oh, he got up.
(Game)
Brad: Well, if he’s well enough to stand, I’m sure he’ll be okay.
Round 7: Bay Side Park
Brad: Mr. Wong, what are you up to?
Wong: Taking a rest from my hectic schedule for a leisurely walk. I’m certain you can understand, so please don’t disturb me.
Crazy!Brad: A leisurely walk!? Yeah, right, Mr. Company President!
Are you sure you’re not out here hiding your cooked books from the tax
man!?
Wong: Brad, it seems you know too much. I’ll need you to die!
Brad: Did I hit a nerve? Um, Mr. Wong, why do you have that murderous look in your eye?
(Game)
Brad: It’s strange. I don’t know how it happens, but it seems like I make everybody mad.
Final Round: Central Building
Brad: Mr. Keith, I don’t know how it’s happening, but I’m making everybody mad. What’s going on?
Keith: Brad, you have a split personality. When you don’t know what’s happening, the truth is that the other you is coming out and making everyone angry.
Brad: Really...!? That’s.... (!Crazy) ---the way it is, Keith! You got a problem with that, you sourpuss---you weasel!? Don’t just grumble behind my back!
Keith: I know what’s happening, I mustn’t get angry... Would it be better if I just defeat you?
Brad: Thank you, Mr. Keith, you’re a real... (!Crazy) ---babe in the woods!! Kya ha ha ha ha!!
Keith: ...Yeah, you need to go down.
Ending
Brad: Everybody, the truth is that I had a split personality. I know I said and did mean things, but it was all the other me. Since none of it was my fault, we can all keep being friends!
Everyone else: Say WHAT!?
And so, without the slightest reflection, Brad returned to the strategy he started with. Will a day ever come when they can truly be friends?
Crazy!Brad: Of course not! What are you blabbering about, you dumbass narrator!? Kya ha ha ha ha!!!